Making a decision to start a blog is not something I took lightly. I considered it for several months, even years if I’m being honest. I stayed true to my inner procrastinator and took my sweet time. Maybe it was the fear of putting ME out there, or the fear of failure, or a mixture of the two. For whatever reasons, I cowered. This is something that has become a pattern in my life: hiding behind the veil of mediocrity. My intention is to break that pattern and to flourish. Putting my story and my thoughts out there is something that is so important to me. I wish I could say that it was a completely selfless desire, but that would be a lie. The biggest reason I want to do this is myself. I want to prove that I can do it, I want to set goals and see them through, I want to learn more about my perspective and who I am as a person, and I want a release. While this may seem selfish, it’s not the only reason. I also want a place where people can openly talk about their struggles. It’s rare that I find people who go through what I go through, and frankly, it sucks. I want a little place where people who are dealing with these issues can talk and feel safe.
I have struggled with chronic pain and depression for several years. It is something that has become a huge part of my life. Something that I despise. Even on the good days when my nerves aren’t tingling and I get the odd jolt of motivation, it is still there. Like white noise — always in the background. It is something that I am learning to accept and adapt to, a process that I would like to speed up as much as possible. I have a strong desire to be one of “those people” that has seemingly come out the other side of this dark tunnel happy and healthy. Someone that has found what works for them and what inspires them. I am so jealous of that inner peace it’s insane. I recognize that this is not going to be easy. It is something I have to discover for myself, a challenge that I am more than willing to take on. This blog is to help serve that purpose. I want it to be a place that I can express myself, a platform to share what I am thinking and how I am feeling, and a place where people can relate. Join me.